Relationships

I want to go ahead and state before you read any further that I am not anti-relationship. I think that relationships are very very important and they are great!! I think that once you find your person here on earth you should embrace them and love them with your whole heart no matter what your age is. Some of my best friends found their significant other in high school and they are so happy and they are so precious. This is just how I feel. What works for me is so different than what has worked for them. I do not mean to offend anyone or upset anyone. (Not that anyone reads my posts anyway...) This is just how I have grown to feel about relationships. And its just for my benefit anyway. No matter how it sounds I really do hope that God has a very special boy out there for me that will be my husband one day.

The word relationship has very seldom been in my vocabulary unless I was talking about the lack there of. For twenty years give or take I have been alone. Alone in the sense that I have never been in a relationship with a boy. I'm not whining or complaining about it, I'm just stating a fact. My friends and family are all that I need to keep me company. Sure I have been on a few dates here and there but that's about as far as it goes.

Being single for almost 21 years does mean that I have never kissed a boy just in case that thought was looming in your head. I am proud of that fact. Well kind of. I am proud of myself for being careful to who I allow to touch my heart. I am proud of the fact that I haven't allowed just anyone to step in and get close to me and damage me. Not that I have just pushed everyone away and not wanted to have a boyfriend, I just don't see the point in allowing myself to date someone I am never going to marry or even seeing myself marrying. Or someone who I do not automatically see myself spending a lot of time with. I am a very independent woman. I do not need a man to define me or to be half of my identity. I feel like so many girls my age are getting in serious relationships and they aren't being defined as individuals but as half of a couple. I'm sure that works for some girls but that is not how I want to be defined. At least not in this stage of my life. 

I have had the privilege to figure out who I am. Almost everyday I figure out something new about myself. I love the fact that I have been able to figure out who I am without the pressure of anyone else. I haven't tried to mold myself into something that is what my boyfriend wants me to be. I haven't developed interests just because my boyfriend likes it. I like what I like and I haven't had anyone to sway that for me. For too long I was so worried about what my friends thought of me. For too long I denied the music and movies that I liked because of just my friends. Now being past all that I have finally stopped caring and just embraced the things that I like and know that my friends will love me for who I am or they aren't really my true friends.  Not that one day I won't like things just because my boyfriend does. Thats what you do for someone you love. You are supportive of their likes and dislikes. You compromise on somethings I know. But everything does not revolve around my boyfriend, and I like that. 

We as girls are taught from an early age to be on the look out for the perfect guy. We long one day to have a family of our own. We want the typical husband, children, nice house the "fairy tale" life. I am certain that maybe one day there is a special boy out there for me. But If there isn't has the life that I have been dreaming of since I was a little girl going to overshadow the great life that I am going to have? The older I get the more I am trying to realize that I can be happy with or without a boyfriend. I think we feed young girls this lie that only a boy can make you happy. If you aren't married or thinking about getting married by the time you graduate college, you will never truly be happy. Husbands are great, at least thats what my mama says. But my happiness and my life should not revolve around finding a husband. Having a husband should increase happiness not supply it and be the only thing that I derive happiness from.

I got to a college that is considered a find a husband capital. I feel like we are force fed the idea that we have to find a husband. Chapel talks often revolve around marriage and the idea of finding a significant other. Even some classes you take revolve around the idea of marriage. I am a junior this year and often times I feel that just because I haven't found that perfect guy while I have been at school I am a failure. That can't be true. Almost every semester I have been at college I have made the deans list. I have done exceptionally well in all of my classes. Made a lot of new friends. My professors have all been incredible and taught me so much more than just the subjects that they taught. College has taught me so much about myself and the person I want to be. It has showed me what I want to do with the rest of my life and I have done some pretty cool things. While being at school I got the chance to lead a devo and teach a college girls class. What about that says failure?  Nothing. So why do I feel that way? I understand a job and a career isn't the most important thing in life, but neither is having a husband.

I have grown into a strong independent woman who hasn't relied on a boy for anything in my life so far. That is an amazing feeling. We need to stop feeding lies to young girls that the only way they can achieve happiness is finding their other half. There is no other half. There is 2 wholes that fit together. We should no longer be telling our daughters that there is a half that completes their whole but that there is something extra out there for them. That it is okay to be an independent young woman. You don't need a man to complete you. You only need a man to love you. Not complete you.

I was talking with a lady that I attend church with. We go out and have supper together every now and then. She is like a second mom to me and she likes to take good care of me at school. We got to talking about being dependent. She looks at me and she says something about a friend of hers that cannot be without her husband ever. She makes no decisions without consulting him. She is very reluctant to go out without him which puts damper on your friendships with your girlfriends. Those girlfriends are just as important as your significant other. I understand that he is your best friend. That is the way it should be because we should marry our best friend. But just because he is your best friend does not mean he should be your only friend. I know right now without a shadow of a doubt that I will have to have my girlfriends. Even the few boys I have been interested in were not allowed to occupy all of my time. I am too independent for that. I know, as I have said before, that I do not NEED a man. Yes. A husband to hang out with and love for the rest of my life would be ideal, but it is not a must.

Also, just the other day I was taking a quiz on Buzzfeed. Yes. I am really lame and I probably take them to heart more than what is healthy. Ignoring that fact, I took one that asked the question when will you get married? The answer I got was pretty perfect for me actually. It goes along with what I have been saying all along. I got: Maybe never. The description said; "You're single and looking to mingle, but you also don't NEED someone in your life. When you're as amazing as you are, you dont need to waste time picking out cake flavors or making seating arrangements. One day, you might find The One, but how many people out there could possibly be worthy of your hand in marriage? The answer: NOT MANY."  I just loved that. I think it really sums up just how I feel about relationships and where I am in my life.

I don't say all this to say that I hate boys or that I am anti-marriage. Actually quite the opposite. I am a hopeless romantic. I hope one day that my prince charming will sweep me off my feet. I believe in fairytales. I do realize that life is not a fairytale, but I do believe that I can create my own fairytale. I hope that God has a very special boy waiting for me. I just know that he will not be the source of my happiness but an enhancer of my happiness. 

Who knows? In a few years I may be married and think that I was so silly to think that I could ever be happy without my husband. But maybe I'll go back and think that I could have been but it was just a different type of happiness. 

"Mistakes. They are important. There is a lot I will teach you this semester, but some of the most important lessons you will learn and remember are going to come from the mistakes you make in this class." 
-Sra Moran

I'll be the first to admit that I was very weary of taking Spanish 2 this semester. I had heard a lot of.... not so good things about my professor. I was scared. All I wanted to do was make a good grade and do well in this class. I knew that I was capable of doing but I was so worried. 

The first few weeks of class scared me to death. I was so intimidated by my professor because I knew this was going to be a tough semester and she got down to business. The first chapter test we took I was so worried about because I was not grasping the concepts we were covering. I went and had a session with my professor that I had last semester because she was a familiar teacher to me and I knew she could help me figure things out because she had been so good at it before. (I really only asked her for help because I was too intimidated to ask my current professor.) Well the first test went great. I made a really good grade and I couldn't have been more excited. And don't worry I made sure to give sra. Thompson a big hug for it. 

The next chapter was also a little difficult for me to master and I think sra. Moran picked up on it. She would call me out when I had a confused look on my face. I will forever be grateful for that. I was a little embarrassed at first that she would notice the confusion all over my face, but when she slowed down and broke it down even more for me I was glad she noticed. And from then on I was not embarrassed to just say, "Umm repita por favor." 

There was one particular day that I was as lost as last years easter egg when I left class. So I went up to her very hesitantly and asked her if she had any office hours that she would be willing to spare so I could ask more questions to understand what we went over in class. Of course like I expected she did and she told me to come by when I had a chance. So I did. When I went by my knees were shaking. Why? Because like I had said before she intimidated me so much. But I went in and sat down and started asking questions and she reexplained to me the things that I was not getting. We chatted and she was a huge help to me that day. I realized after that that she wasn't as intimidating as I had originally thought. She began talking to me and my Spanish buddy after class and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversations. 

There was another time I went to a honors presentation and the speaker was talking about when is a good time to start teaching children Spanish. If I wrote a reflection I would get extra-credit for Spanish so of course I jumped all over that. When I got there no one else from my class or anyone I knew for that matter was there so I just sat in the back alone. In walks Mrs. Moran. She sits down next to me and we make a little small talk before the presentations start. And then we chat a little as we leave. I wrote my reflection paper and gave some thoughts to what all was said and I got a response my professor that really....touched my heart. I struggle with Spanish. I talked about in my reflection that if maybe I would have been introduced to Spanish at an earlier age, I would understand it better and know it better. I talked about how incompetent I feel learning Spanish. I respect and love the language I just have been able to learn it and pick up on it well. I mean I struggle with learning English, my own language. The response I received from Sra. Moran gave me a little bit of a boost in my self-confidence. I know that I am a bright young woman and that I am capable of doing just about anything I set my mind to, I still need that reassurance. I got just that and a little bit more from the email I received. Such a kind gesture that probably shouldn't have meant as much to me as it did. I am so thankful for kind hearts that I am surrounded by here at FHU.

I just took my last Spanish test before my final this last week and I needed a good grade on it to secure a decent A before I took my final exam. She graded our tests and gave us our final grade report. Well let's just say I walked into that final with a decent A! When I walked up to her office to get my test that would help me study for my exam I saw Sra. Thompson. I just love talking with her! She called me into her office and asked me what I was up to, and I almost burst with excitement to be able to tell her that I had a 95 walking into my final exam. I don't think I have ever been so excited about a grade in my whole life. And when I got done talking to Sra. Thompson I know I have never ran so fast in my whole life back to my dorm with excitement.  Even scared my mom because I was so excited to tell her that I had done well. 

Even though my final exam didn't turn out as I would have hoped, I still wound up with an A. A few tears were shed finals week. But you know, it happens. Failing a final exam and still having an A isn't an easy task but some how I pulled it off and I'm not complaining one bit. Sra. Thompson told me its not about the ingredients of the pie but the actual pie itself. And I couldn't agree more. Sra. Moran told me that my failing grade did not reflect on how smart I was and for the first time in my life I actually believe those words. 

This semester was a good one. My Spanish class was wonderful. Sure I had to really work for that A but it made it just that much sweeter in the end. I wouldn't trade anything for this past year of Spanish. And I especially would not trade anything for the 2 professors that I was so blessed to get to know this year. 

Unique, different, odd ect.

This past Sunday I was at home for the thanksgiving holiday. We talked about how we as Christians are called to be different. My bible class teacher asked us, "Do we like to be called different or unique in a general sense?" Every single person in class said no. I was like, but why not? I didn't understand why no one wanted be called different. Then I thought back to a few years ago. To a time before I was in  college.

I have always been different. I like things that are a little different from things that people my age don't really like. I know that I am different. But I think back to a time, and even sometimes now to when I didn't think that I was different. Or I just didn't want to be different. I wanted everyone to think I was just like them. I didn't want to stand out. I wanted everyone to like me. I struggled with my self image and I just wanted to fit in.

I spent a long time hiding some of of my qualities. I spent a lot of time hiding things that make me, me. It took me a long time to embrace what is different about me. My likes and dislikes and what I like to do and how I act and how I talk may make me different from everyone else. But I shouldn't be afraid or ashamed of that. I need to embrace that. I shouldn't waste time hiding it I should flaunt it. I am me. I am never going to change who I am. I will never be able to make me something that I wasn't meant to be. And why would I want to be something that I'm not?

We should all flaunt what is different about us. (Myself included) I know that I am better about that now than I ever have been before. I am learning to embrace my weirdness because I have tried so hard to accept my imperfections. I struggled so much to please everyone but myself for so long. I spent some time being so unhappy with my life and all the things that were happening in it. Don't apologize for being yourself. Be you and find the people that accept that about you instead of changing just so someone will like you.

Sometimes I still don't like myself. Sometimes I still get frustrated that I am different. Sometimes I do not like for someone to point out how different I am. But I am working to get better about it little by little. I read this quote one day and I don't remember who said it but it is very appropriate "Be weird, be random, be who you are"

Be happy. Be you. No one else can do you like you can.

Our Story

So last week in bible class we discussed a topic that is very important. Its a topic that we don't really think about. Our story. It is so important for us to share with one another. 1 Peter 2:5 says this:

"You yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."

Also Galatians 6:2 says:

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Thats so powerful to me. I have read that verse so many times and tonight I took an all new meaning to what it was saying. We talked about how important it is for us to be transparent. We belong to the same spiritual house. I love that. Through our lives people should see Jesus. Through everything we do, Christ should be seen in us. That is so hard for me to grasp sometimes. It is hard for  me to do. I know that Christ should fill every aspect of my life, but sometimes he doesn't. As one body in Christ we are to help each other. Bear each others burdens. I know that is a hard task. There are some things in my life that I just want to forget about and never think about ever again.

I talked with a lady whom I love very dearly about this issue. We talked about different things we go through in our lives. How when we tell some people about those they feel like they are not alone because they are struggling with the same things. I thought about that. I thought about it very hard. It is so hard for me to admit some of the things I struggle with. I don't want everyone to know that I actually don't have it all together. I used to struggle with the girl I saw in the mirror and my self image. It is still a struggle for me to see a pretty girl that belongs to God in the mirror, but I'm getting there. I used that story in a devotional during church camp for a group of girls who were in middle school. I just didn't realize how much response I would get from that. So many of those sweet girls in my group also felt the same way that I did. They knew that because I was working through those things that they were not alone and that it was possible for them to feel beautiful. That is a huge deal to not feel alone. If you are struggling it is a wonderful feeling to know that you are NOT alone. And we know that we are never alone because we have Jesus but it is a whole different feeling when you know that a fellow Christian is also struggling and battling just like you are.

I know that this was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my whole life. I know that sharing something like that can be very painful. You are scared. You are scared of how people will react if they know things about you. You do not want to see them you differently. You do not want them to judge you. I completely understand that. I am the exact same way. But what if something we say touches someone. They decide if she can overcome, then so can I. You are an encourager to that person. You make them better. I think that is why God commands us to help bear one anothers burdens. He knows that we need that human help. Not that he isn't enough, but so we don't feel alone in all that we do.

Be transparent. Let everyone know and see how Christ has changed you. If you don't let them know, someone may never know his awesome our God is. Our God is that big. If sharing your story can help some one, why would you not share? If your story can be an encouragement, why would you not share?

I got back to my room after bible class and I got on Facebook and I was scrolling through my newsfeed and I saw a video that came from the Meredith Vieira show. She is helping with the campaign #WhyIStayed this campaign is so powerful. I have always loved watching Meredith. I would sit in the living room with my grandparents and watch her on the news. She started hosting who wants to be a millionaire and I liked that show quite a bit. In all of my years, I had no idea that she was in an abusive relationship. Who knew? But watching her talk about something that was obviously very painful for her talk about, struck me. It made me think. How many women who are  the same position as her saw her show? How many women read about her telling her story? How many of those women were INSPIRED to do something about their situation if they were still in it? How many women heard her and now they no longer feel like it was their fault that they stayed. I am in awe of women are willing to share such a painful story. I admire them. They do something that is so often so hard for me to do. I know that sharing a story of abuse is different than sharing my struggles as a Christian, but seeing that last night with all the thoughts running through my head shook me to my core.

We need women in our churches that are like Meredith to tell us that just because we are in a rough patch right now, it doesn't mean we can't conquer it and make it better. When we are struggling and headed down a dark tunnel we need someone who has been down the same tunnel to remind us that there is light at the end of that tunnel. I am so blessed in my life to have so many women that are such an encouragement to me. That show me and tell me that no matter what I am dealing with, I can over come. They do this by setting the example with their lives. They show by the life they live everyday that just because certain things happen I will be okay. God still loves me and I still have him. Its comforting to know that I am not alone. God is with me. But I have my sisters in Christ to help me too. I have someone who has been there done that to help me out of whatever I am dealing with.

Thank you Lord for all the women in my life. Thank you Lord for loving me.

If you would like to watch the video that I referred to on the Meredith Vieira show click on the link below.
Meredith Vieira Show Video

Vote YES on 1

"Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world." 
-Nelson Mandela 

I am pro-life not because of my political views. I am pro-life not because that is what my parents told me to be. I am pro-life not because that is what is socially acceptable. I am pro-life because I am a Christian. We didn't have a chapel today to promote the College Republicans group. We had our chapel talk today to inform students, most who are or can be registered voters, about an important issue. Be informed. This is our state and it is up to us to stand up for what we as Christians know is right. Vote yes on 1


This is the status that I posted on Facebook after chapel at my school. I have never been so upset with a group of people in my whole entire life. There was so much negative feedback to a state representative that came to inform us Christians about an issue that effects us all. Abortion. This issue ignites a fire in me. I AM PRO-LIFE. At conception a baby has a soul. God made that baby. At conception, God has a plan in mind for that baby. Read Jeremiah 49:11. One of my bible class teachers had a very moving statement. He said, "I am convinced that we have aborted the greatest president of the USA. I am convinced that we have aborted the cure for cancer or the greatest mind the world has ever known." He is probably right. Each day so many babies are being killed murdered. Even though they may just be seen as a wad of cells you can't tell me that it is still not a baby. 


Tennessee, the state that I call home and love, has been ranked #3 in the Nation for being an abortion destination. That scares me. The great state of Tennessee has become a place for expecting mothers to come so they can get rid of their child. There are families all over the world who try and try and try to have a child but are unable to and there are clinics and Drs who are willing to just take the lives of children who have done nothing wrong. 


"Abortions are going to happen wether or not it's legal. Make it legal and SAFE instead of having people hide in shame?" Is this how far away from what God says that we are going to TOLERATE TN being an abortion state? Another person said "I am already republican so can I leave?" This is not a are you a democrat or are you a republican or conservative or liberal or whatever else you may be. This is a Christian matter. I also totally understand that most of our student body does not live in the great state of Tennessee so they can not cast a vote, but all the same they are attending a school in Tennessee. Not only that but TN is a state in the USA. So it is our concern. We are Christians and we have a chance to make a difference in this world by passing an amendment to prevent our money to going toward something that we as Christians should never support and more importantly we could save the lives of babies.


I feel as if I could go on and on about this issue because we as Christians have been silent too long. We have tolerated the world getting their way for far too long. It is time to make this a nation under God. It is time for us to show the world just how great our God is. It is time for us to take a stand. "The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."


If we as Christians do not stand up for what we believe, then who else will?


For more information on YES on 1 here is the link so you can see what all the fuss is about. Get informed. 

voteYESon1

As My Time Here Wraps Up...

So this semester is almost over. I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with a blog. But to catch us all up I am a sophomore and I just turned twenty years old. Wow. No longer a teenager. That actually scares me to death... Anyway, this semester here at my small private Christian University is one of the best ones I have had yet. This semester has been full of professors that will be in my heart forever. The kindness I have been shown from each one of them makes me realize just why I want to teach. Its amazing.

I would like to say a few words about a couple of these dear professors:

My Fundamental Concepts of Math teacher. This woman was an angel in disguise. She was such a sweet lady first off. If I am half of the teacher she was to me this semester I will be a fantastic teacher. Not only was she a good teacher she was a very sweet lady and one day me being the slacker that I am forgot about some homework and sent her an email she graciously opened it back up for me to finish.

My American Literature 2 professor. This man may be one of the most boring professors to listen to during class but he has such passion about what he is teaching. You can just tell that he absolutely loves talking about stories and poems and other things that make me want to go to sleep. He was so easy to talk to after class and before class that I found myself enjoying the class more and more just because I got interact with our teacher. He made it so much more bearable. That is a very important thing to have when you teach I think. Today, I had to memorize and poem and recite it off to him. I am terrible at memorizing things. Write it out,  I usually do pretty well with that. But today I went into his office and tried my hardest to recite this poem and no matter how hard I tried I could not remember what I had studied. So he, being the kind man that he is, offered me a pen and piece of paper so that I could write out the poem as an alternate. So I still didn't make a 100 but I did a whole lot better than I was going to. Just bless that man

The third and final professor that deserves to be recognized is my precious Spanish Professor. There is no way I would have enjoyed this semester of Spanish without her help. She helped me so much throughout the semester. I took 2 semesters of Spanish in high school and I hated every single second of it. I never really grasped anything. My brain just doesn't get Spanish. Sra helped me in more ways than she will ever know I spent a lot of time in her office and time that she didn't have to spend with me helping me she did anyway. Any professor that will take time for their students deserves the utmost respect and praise from everyone. These are the professors that make me so glad that I am pursuing the career that I am. She is the one that makes me so glad that I chose to go to a Christian University. She showed me Christ just the way she helped me and took the time to help me with all of my struggles in her class. She even inquired what she could do better to be a better teacher so that we could all learn more from her. I love teachers like that. They make me so happy. Sra was such a blessing to me in the short time I was with her. There was day I went to see her to inquire about a test and when we were through she asked if I had somewhere to be and I didn't so she invited me to sit down. We sat in her office for about an hour while she asked me how I was and just asked about me. We laughed together and she made me feel very important and that she genuinely cared about me as a person. That is an awesome feeling.

I enjoyed this semester so much. I am sad that I will no longer be blessed with the sweet professors I have the privilege of having this semester but I look forward to what this fall brings

To be so young...

So a few Wednesday nights ago a little girl at the age of 6 came and gave a speech to our college girls class. This little girl had to be extremely nervous! I mean 6 years-old in front of college girls. Even when I was in high-school college girls intimidated me and made me nervous if I ever had to speak in front of them so I can't imagine how this little girl was feeling.

This precious little girl gave a very very sweet speech about how we should love everyone even though its hard to sometimes.  A very proud mother sat in the back and glowed with pride for this little girl. Fearless she gave a wonderful and very interesting speech to our class. I could not help but to smile at the youth that stood before us. I have always had a soft spot in my heart for children.

After our class was over, my friend and I ran into the mother of the little girl and I couldn't help myself when I said, "ma'am how old was your little girl?" she was 6. "Wow." thats the only words I could form for a moment. When I finally found words I said to the mother "Lily did such a fantastic job tonight in our class. I don't know any 6 year-old girls who would be able to speak in front of college girls." Her mother was so appreciative of this compliment that she asked us to say something to Lily after church. So after service was over me and my friend went over and found Lily and told her how awesome she was for giving us such an awesome lesson and I invited her to come back next week. I don't think she was feeling that brave haha.

The point of writing this is just to say it doesn't matter how old you are, you can make a difference. I learned more from that 6 year-old girl that I usually do from our regular bible class teacher. To see such a brave young girl talking about God makes my heart surge with joy. It makes my heart happy that girls at such young ages talk about God. I wish I was better at talking in front of people about God like Lily. There is so much for me to learn from a sweet 6 year-old girl.