The word relationship has very seldom been in my vocabulary unless I was talking about the lack there of. For twenty years give or take I have been alone. Alone in the sense that I have never been in a relationship with a boy. I'm not whining or complaining about it, I'm just stating a fact. My friends and family are all that I need to keep me company. Sure I have been on a few dates here and there but that's about as far as it goes.
Being single for almost 21 years does mean that I have never kissed a boy just in case that thought was looming in your head. I am proud of that fact. Well kind of. I am proud of myself for being careful to who I allow to touch my heart. I am proud of the fact that I haven't allowed just anyone to step in and get close to me and damage me. Not that I have just pushed everyone away and not wanted to have a boyfriend, I just don't see the point in allowing myself to date someone I am never going to marry or even seeing myself marrying. Or someone who I do not automatically see myself spending a lot of time with. I am a very independent woman. I do not need a man to define me or to be half of my identity. I feel like so many girls my age are getting in serious relationships and they aren't being defined as individuals but as half of a couple. I'm sure that works for some girls but that is not how I want to be defined. At least not in this stage of my life.
I have had the privilege to figure out who I am. Almost everyday I figure out something new about myself. I love the fact that I have been able to figure out who I am without the pressure of anyone else. I haven't tried to mold myself into something that is what my boyfriend wants me to be. I haven't developed interests just because my boyfriend likes it. I like what I like and I haven't had anyone to sway that for me. For too long I was so worried about what my friends thought of me. For too long I denied the music and movies that I liked because of just my friends. Now being past all that I have finally stopped caring and just embraced the things that I like and know that my friends will love me for who I am or they aren't really my true friends. Not that one day I won't like things just because my boyfriend does. Thats what you do for someone you love. You are supportive of their likes and dislikes. You compromise on somethings I know. But everything does not revolve around my boyfriend, and I like that.
We as girls are taught from an early age to be on the look out for the perfect guy. We long one day to have a family of our own. We want the typical husband, children, nice house the "fairy tale" life. I am certain that maybe one day there is a special boy out there for me. But If there isn't has the life that I have been dreaming of since I was a little girl going to overshadow the great life that I am going to have? The older I get the more I am trying to realize that I can be happy with or without a boyfriend. I think we feed young girls this lie that only a boy can make you happy. If you aren't married or thinking about getting married by the time you graduate college, you will never truly be happy. Husbands are great, at least thats what my mama says. But my happiness and my life should not revolve around finding a husband. Having a husband should increase happiness not supply it and be the only thing that I derive happiness from.
I got to a college that is considered a find a husband capital. I feel like we are force fed the idea that we have to find a husband. Chapel talks often revolve around marriage and the idea of finding a significant other. Even some classes you take revolve around the idea of marriage. I am a junior this year and often times I feel that just because I haven't found that perfect guy while I have been at school I am a failure. That can't be true. Almost every semester I have been at college I have made the deans list. I have done exceptionally well in all of my classes. Made a lot of new friends. My professors have all been incredible and taught me so much more than just the subjects that they taught. College has taught me so much about myself and the person I want to be. It has showed me what I want to do with the rest of my life and I have done some pretty cool things. While being at school I got the chance to lead a devo and teach a college girls class. What about that says failure? Nothing. So why do I feel that way? I understand a job and a career isn't the most important thing in life, but neither is having a husband.
I have grown into a strong independent woman who hasn't relied on a boy for anything in my life so far. That is an amazing feeling. We need to stop feeding lies to young girls that the only way they can achieve happiness is finding their other half. There is no other half. There is 2 wholes that fit together. We should no longer be telling our daughters that there is a half that completes their whole but that there is something extra out there for them. That it is okay to be an independent young woman. You don't need a man to complete you. You only need a man to love you. Not complete you.
I was talking with a lady that I attend church with. We go out and have supper together every now and then. She is like a second mom to me and she likes to take good care of me at school. We got to talking about being dependent. She looks at me and she says something about a friend of hers that cannot be without her husband ever. She makes no decisions without consulting him. She is very reluctant to go out without him which puts damper on your friendships with your girlfriends. Those girlfriends are just as important as your significant other. I understand that he is your best friend. That is the way it should be because we should marry our best friend. But just because he is your best friend does not mean he should be your only friend. I know right now without a shadow of a doubt that I will have to have my girlfriends. Even the few boys I have been interested in were not allowed to occupy all of my time. I am too independent for that. I know, as I have said before, that I do not NEED a man. Yes. A husband to hang out with and love for the rest of my life would be ideal, but it is not a must.
Also, just the other day I was taking a quiz on Buzzfeed. Yes. I am really lame and I probably take them to heart more than what is healthy. Ignoring that fact, I took one that asked the question when will you get married? The answer I got was pretty perfect for me actually. It goes along with what I have been saying all along. I got: Maybe never. The description said; "You're single and looking to mingle, but you also don't NEED someone in your life. When you're as amazing as you are, you dont need to waste time picking out cake flavors or making seating arrangements. One day, you might find The One, but how many people out there could possibly be worthy of your hand in marriage? The answer: NOT MANY." I just loved that. I think it really sums up just how I feel about relationships and where I am in my life.
I don't say all this to say that I hate boys or that I am anti-marriage. Actually quite the opposite. I am a hopeless romantic. I hope one day that my prince charming will sweep me off my feet. I believe in fairytales. I do realize that life is not a fairytale, but I do believe that I can create my own fairytale. I hope that God has a very special boy waiting for me. I just know that he will not be the source of my happiness but an enhancer of my happiness.
I got to a college that is considered a find a husband capital. I feel like we are force fed the idea that we have to find a husband. Chapel talks often revolve around marriage and the idea of finding a significant other. Even some classes you take revolve around the idea of marriage. I am a junior this year and often times I feel that just because I haven't found that perfect guy while I have been at school I am a failure. That can't be true. Almost every semester I have been at college I have made the deans list. I have done exceptionally well in all of my classes. Made a lot of new friends. My professors have all been incredible and taught me so much more than just the subjects that they taught. College has taught me so much about myself and the person I want to be. It has showed me what I want to do with the rest of my life and I have done some pretty cool things. While being at school I got the chance to lead a devo and teach a college girls class. What about that says failure? Nothing. So why do I feel that way? I understand a job and a career isn't the most important thing in life, but neither is having a husband.
I have grown into a strong independent woman who hasn't relied on a boy for anything in my life so far. That is an amazing feeling. We need to stop feeding lies to young girls that the only way they can achieve happiness is finding their other half. There is no other half. There is 2 wholes that fit together. We should no longer be telling our daughters that there is a half that completes their whole but that there is something extra out there for them. That it is okay to be an independent young woman. You don't need a man to complete you. You only need a man to love you. Not complete you.
I was talking with a lady that I attend church with. We go out and have supper together every now and then. She is like a second mom to me and she likes to take good care of me at school. We got to talking about being dependent. She looks at me and she says something about a friend of hers that cannot be without her husband ever. She makes no decisions without consulting him. She is very reluctant to go out without him which puts damper on your friendships with your girlfriends. Those girlfriends are just as important as your significant other. I understand that he is your best friend. That is the way it should be because we should marry our best friend. But just because he is your best friend does not mean he should be your only friend. I know right now without a shadow of a doubt that I will have to have my girlfriends. Even the few boys I have been interested in were not allowed to occupy all of my time. I am too independent for that. I know, as I have said before, that I do not NEED a man. Yes. A husband to hang out with and love for the rest of my life would be ideal, but it is not a must.
Also, just the other day I was taking a quiz on Buzzfeed. Yes. I am really lame and I probably take them to heart more than what is healthy. Ignoring that fact, I took one that asked the question when will you get married? The answer I got was pretty perfect for me actually. It goes along with what I have been saying all along. I got: Maybe never. The description said; "You're single and looking to mingle, but you also don't NEED someone in your life. When you're as amazing as you are, you dont need to waste time picking out cake flavors or making seating arrangements. One day, you might find The One, but how many people out there could possibly be worthy of your hand in marriage? The answer: NOT MANY." I just loved that. I think it really sums up just how I feel about relationships and where I am in my life.
I don't say all this to say that I hate boys or that I am anti-marriage. Actually quite the opposite. I am a hopeless romantic. I hope one day that my prince charming will sweep me off my feet. I believe in fairytales. I do realize that life is not a fairytale, but I do believe that I can create my own fairytale. I hope that God has a very special boy waiting for me. I just know that he will not be the source of my happiness but an enhancer of my happiness.
Who knows? In a few years I may be married and think that I was so silly to think that I could ever be happy without my husband. But maybe I'll go back and think that I could have been but it was just a different type of happiness.
